Mahâ-Parinibbâna-Suttanta: The Book of the Great Decease

31. Now very soon after the Blessed One began to recover; when he had quite got rid of the sickness, he went out from the monastery, and sat down behind the monastery on a seat spread out there. And the venerable Ânanda went to the place where the Blessed One was, and saluted him, and took a seat respectfully on one side, and addressed the [1. The commentary on gîvita-sankhâram adhitthâya vihareyyan is not quite clear, but the general meaning of the words cannot be very different from the version given in the text.] p. 36 Blessed One, and said: 'I have beheld, Lord, how the Blessed One was in health, and I have beheld how the Blessed One had to suffer. And though at the sight of the sickness of the Blessed One my body became weak as a creeper, and the horizon became dim to me, and my faculties were no longer clear[1], yet notwithstanding I took some little comfort from the thought that the Blessed One would not pass away from existence until at least he had left instructions as touching the order.' 32. 'What, then, Ânanda? Does the order expect that of me? I have preached the truth without making any distinction between exoteric and esoteric doctrine: for in respect of the truths, Ânanda, the Tathâgata has no such thing as the closed fist of a teacher, who keeps some things back[2]. Surely, Ânanda, should there be any one who harbours the thought, "It is I who will lead the brotherhood," or, "The order is dependent upon me," it is he who